i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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