dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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