Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sponge bath it is.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
