I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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