My cat gives me a boner
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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