She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
