Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize