david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
