I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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