My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
