she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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