Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize