if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize