Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
