She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
