508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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