There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
