That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
