Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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