So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
