hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
