i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
