I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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