He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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