Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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