i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So squirting runs in the family.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
