He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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