I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
