Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
