and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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