he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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