the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize