1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
