dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
