My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
