Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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