We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
COCAINE IS GR8
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
