My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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