Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize