She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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