Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
