the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
