Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
