Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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