Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
last night I used snow as a chaser
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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