Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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