im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
