He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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