grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
