Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
