I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
