His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
