hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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