She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
