youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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