Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
bring money and cleavage
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
