Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
