you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
