If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
