Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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