Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
