Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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