we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
