i permit you to call me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
