I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
