I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
