Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
