who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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