I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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