i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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