UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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