Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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