all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
