weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
