you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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