Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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