please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
