Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
