I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Im part way to drunk.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
