I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
