How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
