You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Acid is not a monday night drug
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
