dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
