Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Someone signed my nipple.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
