it was like eating out sand paper
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
