I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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