he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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