We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
